Summertime and the living is…

Summertime and the living is delicious! Especially when your freezer looks like this:

Well worth an extra sit-up or two...

Since I’ve already given detailed instructions on how not to pack, how not to plan a night out, and how not to heal a body pierce, I thought I’d offer an example of how not to make homemade ice cream. Instructions as follows:

Put favorite ice cream recipe in your pocket at 9:00 at night on the way out the door, hoping to get to a grocery store before 7:00 am.

Drop ice cream recipe somewhere in friend’s vehicle. Forget about making ice cream the next morning.

Get ice cream recipe back. Check for pantry for rock salt.

Choose a day when neither child has slept more than six hours. Make sure a friend who declares himself willing to EAT homemade ice cream, but not particularly interested in helping to make it is visiting.

Spend half an hour looking for shoes said friend is certain he wore to our house. Have him wear a pair of my son’s shoes instead. Find out only later that he did not bring shoes with him over to play.

Get into multiple arguments with pre-teen on whether or not she should be required to walk to the store or anywhere else that day.

In a stellar moment of parenting also known as reverse, reverse, reverse psychology demand that she stay home, as if it were some kind of treat to walk a half block in 90+ degree weather.

Buy $15 worth of ingredients (Okay! So I bought organic...) to make approximately the same quantity of factory ice cream one could have bought for $3.00.

Take a quick glance at ice cream recipe only to be reminded that the batter has to sit in the fridge for two hours before being frozen, meaning the friend will not even be here for the results of his walk.

Pull out the ice cream maker to discover the drum or “vessel” is missing. This might be where normal people and I part ways…then again it might have been much earlier in the instructions...

Call ice cream maker company to see if drum is available for purchase. Call ex-husband to see if ice cream drum is still exactly where it was over a year ago. Collect drum from ex-husband.

Mix the batter between two doctor visits, a museum visit, gymnastics, and hand stamping father’s day cards.

Turn the ice cream the following day, managing to spread freshly frozen ice cream over, among other things, the following surfaces:

A cast iron pan
The CD player
The microwave
A stud finder (stored inside the ice cream maker on the off chance that I might find myself awash in whipping cream and pictures that needed hanging at the exact same moment)
The phone (why does it always ring when both hands are occupied?)
My insurance card

Tear apart kitchen looking for lids and containers that match (here I think I reunite with normal people). Fill containers and make the freezer an incredibly happy place!

A few people have requested this ice cream recipe in the past because I claim it’s good even though the eggs are cooked. So here it is, salmonella free ice cream, coming soon to a freezer near you, but hopefully with less hassles.

Salmonella Free Homemade Ice Cream

2 ¼ Cups Sugar
¼ Cup plus 2 T Flour
½ t salt
5 Cups milk
4 eggs, beaten
4 Cups whipping cream
2 T vanilla extract

Combine sugar, flour and salt in saucepan. Gradually stir in milk. Cook over medium heat approximately 15 minutes or until thickened, stirring constantly. Gradually stir about 1 cup hot mixture into the beaten eggs. Add egg mixture to remaining hot mixture, stirring constantly. Cook 1 minute; remove from heat. Refrigerate 2 hours. Combine whipping cream and vanilla in large bowl; add chilled mixture, stirring. (Here I added 25 Newman-oh cookies and all the leftover candy we had in the house). Freeze according to ice cream maker instructions.