"Don't Put Cat Food in Your Ears!" and other parenting triumphs

The Sweet Pea texted me that my having put a piece of fresh pita bread in with her ukelele that I was sending to her at camp was "the most Jewish mother thing you've ever done!"

I, on the other hand, thought I had reached that pinnacle some years back.  I was on the phone with my aunt the evening before My Boy's sixth birthday when I ended up telling him,  "If you don't be quiet until I'm off the phone, I'm not going to let you turn six tomorrow and you'll have to stay five!"

Did I mention I teach parenting classes?

Well, that kid is 16 and old enough to know that even if Mom's a control freak, she can't actually prevent birthdays (But oh the money that I could be making!!!!!).  I have different parenting problems, like trying to get him to hug his baby sister.

I try not to really force him to interact with the baby too often, for fear that I'll drive him even further in the other direction.

It's not that I suddenly reverse strategy without warning, so much as how EASILY the guilt pours forth with no notice whatsoever that catches me by surprise:

Baby - "Hug!  Hug!"

Me, to my boy who is totally ignoring her - "Give her a hug!  You're going to give her a...a...complex?...What is he going to give her?"

Older Gal - "Yeah.  A complex."

Boy (still doing his best not to get anywhere near her)

Baby (continues trying for a hug)

Me - "Yeah, you're going to give her a complex.  And poor relationships with men.  And then she'll probably marry a drunk."

Boy (no reaction)

Me - "And then you'll have a drunk for a brother in law.  And he'll probably hit you up for money all the time."

Boy (attempts hug with as little bodily contact as possible).

Incidentally, the line is kind of long for my parenting classes.  You might want to get on the waiting list now.