- عرض النتائج بالنص الإنجليزي الأصلي أيضًا

No, I don't have the foggiest idea what that says. Apparently it could possibly have something to do with something I've posted, since someone wandered here via Google searching for it. Then again, some searches seem to have more to do with the blog material than others. The searches might not have included Olivia Newton John’s Monkey Zwinky Penis like Jeff's did, but people are still finding their way here in some sort of odd ways.

I get a lot of searches for "lactating men". For the record, I don't know any lactating men. If I do meet one though, I'll see if he's up for an interview, Ricardo style since it seems to be a subject of much fascination.

A few people got here by searching "untouched boobs". What can I say except I hope those folks find what they're looking for?

I got a search for "why are cokeheads skinny?" I'm going to go out on a limb and say that maybe coke acts as an appetite suppressant, but I really don't know.

I still get a bunch of searches for "sugar booty." I'm still not sure what that is, but me and mine can tell you quite a bit about "sand booty" after having been at the beach last weekend.

There was one for "how do you get ticky tack out of clothes". I don't know how to get it out of clothes, but my son got it all over his eyeball once and I managed to get it out. That was almost as gross as his gaping head wound.

Someone got here by searching "pig salt pepper shakers naughty". Yeah, so the naughty salt and pepper shakers do tend to hang out here, what of it?!?!? I'm not sure how a pig got involved though...

In any case, here are a couple of pictures. This is my boy hard at work reading the comics at the radio pledge drive last weekend. If you look really carefully, you'll notice that he's not actually picking his nose. You might have to be related to the kid to appreciate the picture, I dunno. Maybe you even have to be me...but I like it.Lastly, in celebration of summer break being less than a week away, here's a picture of my fridge. It's watermelon instead of ice cream this time. I don't actually care for the stuff, but it was ridiculously cheap and seems to welcome summer quite nicely:

Maimed Guest Blogger

My gal was tortured at the beach today. She was hesitant to post pictures of her despair until I told her she could tell the story herself. So here's my 12 year old's story in her own words (and with her own photoshopping of the picture too):

BTW mommy i'm almost 13. but anyway heres my super fun and exciting story about today on the beach.

so i have this really really pretty new bathing suit. its all pink and yellow and orange and white and brown and gold pretty stripes. so we got there and the guy who knows a song about a chicken and mommy and jared went into the poopy water, but i didn't want to.

so i'm standing there and all of the sudden a BEE flies inside my prettiful new swimsuit. and i'm screaming but no one can hear me, cuz there out in the poopy water.

but it was ok cuz the bee didn't sting me but it was still really really scary.
then later when we go back in the water. we are playing for a while but mommy decides she is like almost drowning so we go shallower. mommy is holding onto my hand and then i feel this THING on my arm and it REALLY REALLY hurts and i scream and scream so we get out.

then mommy called this guy in a red truck who was like a little portable hospital and he told us it was a jelly fish sting and it really hurt. then he put MEAT TENDERIZER on the sting and told me we were going to grill me and eat me. he was weird. he put vinegar on it too which smelled almost as bad as the poopy water. i don't remember this really well cuz i was crying so hard.

mommy says i have to donate my bat mitzvah money to the truck people now. it hurt. a lot. just wanted to make that clear.so yeah thats my sooper fun and exiting day at the beach.

My girl wants an end with a funny comment. What can I say? Besides for the bee and the meat tenderizer and the jelly fish sting it was a really nice day, made even nicer by the fact that there were paramedics right there at the beach and we didn't have to spend three or four hours in the emergency room. But made worse by my 12 year old telling me I'm turning into an old person.

Next up:
a picture of my boy not even picking even picking his nose at all

a story about why it's impossible to stay irritated with the guy who knows a song about a chicken for even fifteen seconds, dag nab it...

I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth...

Oh no, wait that's Arlo Guthrie that wants to see that, not me. Still, I seem to be seeing my fair share lately. Here's my boy's latest, done while riding his wagon down a hill, Calvin & Hobbs style.My gal has made it out of all boots, casts, splints, wraps, etc. The doctor said no running or jumping, but he did not prohibit her from tree climbing. I got my computer back, but not my brain. That is to say, the bat mitzvah is less than four weeks away, so I don't have a lot of...extra...ummmmm...what was I saying?

Here's a picture of my body wash.I don't know what the label MEANS, but in case it's too blurry to read, what the label says is: "Free of parabens, animal ingredients, artificial fragrance and unnecessary chemicals." Don't worry though - the necessary chemicals are all in there. Yup.

Here's my cat Sugar, doing yoga:And for my fellow bathroom obsessed bloggers, this is an outhouse car from this spring's art car parade:Yes. That IS a bathroom you can drive.

Here's where my lucky duck kids got to ride for the parade:In any case, the bat mitzvah is fast approaching as is the end of school and that has more or less usurped my computer time...along with all other time.

Rest assured that I found out today that I have obviously picked THE most appropriate place for a 13 year old to celebrate a religious milestone EVER, as evidenced by the fact that shortly after the bat mitzvah party wraps up, a local band will be having a Birthday Bash and Big Boobie Blowout. Who the heck could ask for more than that?

Now dag nab it!

Apparently the motherboard on my computer croaked. I'd like to say I have no idea what that means, but unfortunately I do know: It means a week without a computer so far and almost but not quite more money than the thing was worth in the first place.

It also means a nearly pictureless and delinquent post. I've noticed some good signs lately but haven't been able to upload pictures. Walgreens has one that says something along the lines of, "Buy a Hallmark card for mom!" and I mean NOW dag nab it!!!! For the home of the free and the land of the brave and all that, we sure do accept a great deal of direct orders advertisements.

Not all of them are advertisements though. I saw this on the back of a car:I'd like to think someone offering to help out a pregnant person on the verge of abandoning her child would be sort of on the compassionate side, but no. The owner of this car wants to order around desperate, pregnant women both in English AND in Spanish. On that note I'll wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day and relinquish this borrowed computer.